Rabbi Secher is available for counseling interfaith couples in person, online or by telephone.

For more information or to make an appointment call (406) 863-2333 or email sech1@aol.com

Rabbi Secher is a longtime adviser to Dovetail Institute,  the largest interfaith group in the country. He has been an officiant or co-officiant of interfaith life cycle ceremonies for the past 40+ years. He is dedicated to providing information and support to interfaith couples. His breadth of knowledge, warmth, sympathy and commitment to exploring the needs of both Christian and Jewish partners make him an indispensable support to couples throughout the country and abroad.

www.dovetailinstitute.org 

www.oldstpats.com

FAQ'S 

Is interfaith marriage a good thing? No! Is it a bad thing? No!         

It is neither a good nor a bad thing. It just is. It‘s a fact of present day living. The more important question to ask is, is the marriage a good thing? Do you like your child’s choice for a partner? Will the marriage succeed?

An inter-faith marriage adds one more adjustment hurdle to the marriage equation and not an easy one. Marriage is much smoother if the couple shares a spiritual commitment in the same faith. But, can a rock ribbed Democrat and a rock ribbed Republican exist in the same household? Surely. Ask James Carville and Mary Matilin. Marriage is the second most difficult task in one’s life. (The first we’ll save for another writing.) The more elements you have in common, the easier the adjustment. What is critical is talking ad nauseum about your differences and whether you both can live with them.

Will my child lose their Jewish identity? Depends.

It is really a matter of how strong the Jewish identity is to start with. I met with a mother once who refused to attend her son’s wedding because he was marrying a non-Jew. So I asked her.  Did you belong to a congregation? No. Celebrate holidays? No. Have Chanukah or Passover? No. Go to Israel ? No. After twenty more questions the only thing I could determine was that they had bagels and lox on Sunday mornings. So it was “do as I say, not as I do.”

Is the strong identity a guarantee? It’s a good start.

But how do you possibly dictate with whom one falls in love. Your child’s search for faith will continue only if they know they have your strong support.

In 1991, Rabbi Secher helped found and is advisor to the Jewish Catholic Dialogue Group in Chicago. It provides support to interfaith couples who wish to explore a path in their marraige that permits individual faith commitments without diminishing each partner's religious identification. The organization continues to be a major force in the religious, cultural and social life of Chicago. It's mission includes supporting, educating and offering general information to thousands of Jews and Catholics seeking to better understand one another. 

During his Chicago years, he was also active in the National Conference of Christians and Jews. Because of his involvement in interfaith issues, Newsweek Magazine included him in an article about prominent nationwide interfaith leaders.